“Šoùṟcēs øf Ḻïghṯ”

Pain 5/10

Location: View of Oberbillig, Germany

Pain Diary Entry: 25 November 2022

After two nights of chasing the slightest hint of a star to take a photo of, this is one of my favourites from the lot. I was playing with the various settings on the camera to see how my new lens copes with the weird light im seeing. From the top i could see a beautiful faint outline of one star. I was amazed when i got home and started editing to see the many other stars the camera saw that i didn't whilst at the same time getting the beautiful glow of the village of Luxembourg on the clouds above Oberbillig, the village on the German side if the river mosel that had this wide range of lights in various positions all bouncing off the river and into the night sky. The different light sources to me are incredible, nature is phenomenal that i can See light that was created years in the past, whilst also light from a different country only seen in the effects in the sky, to the light that helps us live and work in our little houses and offices. I only get to do this once!? Project 117 is about me trying to get the most out of this miserabley short time to experience this world. Time is the foundation of my existence and i want to get as much of it as i can, so why not aim high 117. It just really would of been easier in a body that wasn't so broken and painful to be in. But i can't change that, but need to find a way to live in this world working to my abilities. Yesterday i signed the papers to start a new future. Your support in spreading my story is needed. I want to share the highs and lows. And create so much art, its the only way i can really show myself. I'll keep you updated, big amazing things are coming and I'm excited, just hope it succeeds 🤙 so long as i get the chance to tell my story then the rest will work itself out I'm sure. Cheers for being there 🥳😎

Size (framed): 79.6cm x 54.6 cm Landscape

Frame: Black Wood with grain

Material: Brushed Aluminium

Price: 557 EUR (incl VAT)

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Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "&Scaron;ýmbǒļ"

Some clubs have invitations, rituals, hierarchy, structure etc, others are a demographical default with one of those having its own symbol with which you can be born into,

Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Šýmbǒļ" Some clubs have invitations, rituals, hierarchy, structure etc, others are a demographical default with one of those having its own symbol with which you can be born into, acquire, lose, have indefinitely or temporarily with membership determined by matters out of your control. I didn't know what to make of my club as my genre was rare and so had to learn from others. As i watched the world, i learned how even those not belonging to the club have their own challenges and that the line for the club is very blurry and determined by our peers which is always going to be subjective. I learnt that we all are fundamentally the same though, from the paralysed to the Olympic athlete. Nice to know but not overly practical but i knew that my only goal was to secure the basics so whatever happens to me i can still enjoy a level of freedom of my choosing, limited sure, but nothing is infinite in a finite world. #project117 #demographics #decisions #symbols #groups

Resilience diary- pain today: Six/10. Photo: "Ħėřmįť" Fear comes in many forms. There's the shock option that sends the heartbeat flapping away or the suspenseful type that causes sweat to gather ands anxiety to rise. I've got a few fears that seem to drive my existence forward and a paradox that has me stuck. I've always done stuff and even when i stopped working i knew I needed to do stuff to be healthy which is not a great motivator for me but easy enough to convey the point. I don't want to do anything at the moment as I'm tired of it resulting in increased pain. I just want a break sometimes. I can pretend when in company but on my own sometimes i just don't want to move. Then the less i do the harder it is to do something when i want and the spiral continues down that then impacts the mental side that has been enduring the ever growing number and intensity of issues that is preventing me from enjoying anything. I'm afraid of my future and the strength i need to find my motivation again. I'm sure i'm just having a breather but I'm tired also. I'm really tired of feeling so physically broken with every movement with it only ever getting worse. Growing up was a rush to fit in all the physical activities one can do in life before my options were reduced. Glad i did them though. Now i just keep waiting until that drive returns, it's there, hiding, like a hermit. #project117 #drive #motivation #balance #edge

Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Şħípÿǎṟḏş" Occasionally I would join dad on one of his work trips up or down the coast to one of the most intimidating places on earth, a shipyard. I remember one up near Newcastle that was just the biggest piece of infrastructure I'd ever seen. The docks had dozens of ships and boats that ranged in size from tugs and big little boats to container and other cargo ships measuring hundreds of meters long. Dad in this job would do the annual or other periodic checks of these behemoths signing off on their legal and safety right to sail. I didn't know this at the time, I was just bored and didn't understand how incredible dads work was probably because his level was beyond phd level and I was a 12 year old who couldn't count. The ships were mostly out of bounds for me though and so usually I'd be left on the bridge or galley to occupy myself with no book or phone for a few hours as dad did his thing. I never connected to ships the way dad did which is a bit of a shame as no one knows them better and has I ever managed to study would of had a great teacher. I am inspired by his passion for them though, they've given him a full life with incredible stories, all one can ask for i guess. #project117 #shipyards #bored #cold #huge

Resilience diary- pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Fłåṯ" One of my first hikes was in the blue mountains and the blue gum forest. The blue mountains are unique in their formation whereby most infrastructure is on the top as the valleys are mostly dead ends and traps. The hike world start by train from home, changing in the city for a line out to Blackheath where a short walk of a couple of km's brings us to the start of the trail. Short at about 14km the hike takes two days because 12 of those km are either falling down one side of the valley or attempting to scramble up the other side. It's hard work and the downhill was always my least favourite as would cause my knees the most pain whereas up hill was just stamina, which i had back then. The campsite was at Acacia flat not far from the forest of blue gums. Coming home after a trip like that is like leaving a dream. The bush and nature a place to find peace with everything. #project117 #nature #views #hiking #childhood

Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Ħēâvëņ&scaron;"

I enjoyed getting older and have always wanted to be old though I've never really questioned why. I guess i see it as a measure of success in what is a form of a surviv

Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Ħēâvëņš" I enjoyed getting older and have always wanted to be old though I've never really questioned why. I guess i see it as a measure of success in what is a form of a survival game and being old is a way of winning the game though I'm sure my mind will change on that if i delve into the matter. What aging also gave me which i thrived on, was new ways to view the world. I was starting to watch the news on tv sometimes and read the weekend paper and starting to see and hear about things I've been lucky enough to never experience such as war or dictatorships. I really started questioning religion the older i got as it just didn't make sense to me, i got much of it and edited the community bit but a year out from my bar mitzvah I was being drawn away from temple and into the bush with scouts. That's where i fell in love with life and things started to make sense to me. I had a place where I could safely test out ideas whilst doing adventures, a lucky time. #project117 #beliefs #heavens #thoughts #community