Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Šēäṟċħ" The last few days have been a wild ride of memories, excitement and old lessons coming back to use. It also highlighted to me the reliance on electricity and internet in the common age. As a teen in scouts I really enjoyed problem solving in wild weather. I've woken up in my sleeping bag soaking wet as a creek formed underneath me. A reason to stop using tents with separated floors to walls... getting one's sleeping gear wet is really the only killer to things though. Broken tents, bags, forgotten cooking gear or even food can be resolved by changing plans. This flexibility experience i feel helps me in my long term dealing with my body and just general life. Plans are great but are not always possible. Externalities influence everything from before and after any plan and so i find being less specific in plans gives way to opportunity as well. To be fair it doesn't always work out and failure is a component, but it exists even in the most detailed plans too so i don't go to that much effort. As with everything i learnt and based on my physical limits i find adventuring to be easier and dealing with failure easier to as i know that if i keep trying I'll find a way, and if not i move on to something else. I'm having the best time at the moment. I'm worried about my back as is worse and needs looking at but outside of these usual complaints, I'm happy. Having the most comfortable bed in the van also helps. Comfort is a new addition to my camping ventures. The rest is old habits. #project117 #search #peekaboo #find #wild

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Ṟúń" Storms, summits, slate and sun. Its all happening, its so much fun. No time to stay still, gotta... gotta run! #project117

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Śṯřäṉḏ" No reception, hoping this gets through! 🙌😜 #project117 #wales #beach #attitude #stones

Resilience diary - pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Vìćè" Every friday night as is tradition, candles, wine and bread. By thirteen i was starting to find booze to be a wonderful feeling. I wouldnt be having much, maybe a hundred mls of as much as i could sneak in. It was a beautiful distraction from my usual physical feeling of pain, discomfort and general confusion, things that still plague me today. And so occasionally i would sneak a sip from any bottle happening to be in the fridge. I got caught eventually and so the opportunities were reduced but the desire hadn't. I had to be careful with finding such vices as they could destroy me quite quickly. But the relief they gave is a strong attractor and so I either was taught or chose myself to not take on any extra chemical help. It's meant that alcohol eventually turned into my overindulgence as the years rolled on and generally I've been ok with it though there have been times where i surprised myself and so took a year off not too long ago. These days it's greatly reduced but still there, always tempting me to imbibe and escape my suffering or more realistically, masking it till later. Was a slow journey though, from the start to end of my teens and i was starting to hit puberty and become a total twat also, lots was being learnt, who knew where id go. #project117 #wine #vice #escape #addiction

Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Šmíğğìŋş" Despite hating the snow with a passion, mum offered to join our scout group on a ski trip as a driver to help out with transport. I think it was just for a weekend and it was one and only time she offered. It was awful weather as it just snowed and snowed and made being outside an absolute misery. Unless you were me of course. I had never been in such an environment, unlike my mother who was telling stories of her as a kid walking 3 miles through the snow up to her knees to get a bus or something. I loved it. I was learning to ski and was finding a new love, speed. I dont know what everyone was thinking stuck in me on skis, with dodgy joints and chronic pain most thirteen year olds i knew would not even try, i meanwhile was finding a new level of joy and pain. My feet were too wide for any boots, even at thirteen my feet were fully grown and made me look like a clown. The twisting needed to turn the long skis pushed my muscles to breaking point and yet i was having a blast. I picked it up quicker than surfing and felt even more free. A seemingly common theme i'm realising, a need to be free from myself, by using the body i struggle with so much, to find its sweet spot. In that moment of sliding, gravity doing its thing, i was alive, future ben could deal with the pain, right then i wanted to just be free and i was. I chase that feeling constantly and wandering around wales this week is reviving those feelings. My body is screaming to stop, but i can, for the moment, push that to later, for now we live. #project117 #ski #snow #newlove #mad

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Şmǒöṯħ Śâíłǐṉğ" It can get really cold around Sydney for camping. Storms can also interrupt with astonishing speed. Camping involved working with the environment as the moment you fought it it would show you its power. I started to fall in love with these moments, of uncomfortable cold, rain or a lightning strike. At thirteen it was an eye opener as to how to survive and i felt like that was my daily grind so felt comfortable in wild weather. Mum soon bought me a tent that could handle everything i through at it and that was suitable for my disability, ie it was very light. It was a small too man tunnel tent that would fit two people with no bags, and without guy ropes would feel safe and warm in a cyclone. I loved it, it along with my little backpack and i was free. Storms brought smiles to my face as the chaos from them felt familiar to the chaos my body would give me. I first started finding my limit around this age, hiking hurt my knees horribly after a 20km day fully packed. I didnt stop though, the rewards were too good. We got hit by two storms the other day and I got soaked, and as the wind was howling and i could hardly see, i had taken this photo a few minutes before and I was laughing with joy. The storm made me feel alive and well. Crazy 😆😁 #project117 #sailing #water #ocean #cold

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Ğłåmpìṉġ" There was little comfort in the type of camping i started out with. Which suited me fine. It wasn't about me on a hike or canoe trip, it was about everything else, my comfort was a distraction from the distraction i was trying to get by going on auch adventures. A thing yoga mat strapped to my backpack would turn into my bed, not really doing much than a little thermal insulation, any and all rocks would find their way to my body but exhaustion would let me sleep. The basic essentials to cook, and eat were beyond minimilast, i could cook with stones and hands as i learnt on a survival camp once, where chicken takes many many hours over a small fire in the rain to cook through. As i got older, gradually more comfort would be added as people tried to look after me, but for me i know what its like to really rough it and i'm glad thats where i started. Now im a bit more fragile and have someone who knows how to make things comfortable making it more pleasant for me. Camping is so mych fun. #project117 #glamping #vanlife #explorer #wheelchairlife

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Fṟẽē" I've been incredibly lucky my whole life and i don't ever plan to stop it. Learning to camp as a kid gave me the feeling of ultimate freedom. Trapped in a body that is difficult, the ability to feel free from it, immersing myself in nature and learning how to cope with my health issues. I'm lucky that I've grown up in a time and place where politically, financially, culturally, I've been free to pick and choose my daily agenda and significant travels. From my first camps as a kid anywhere i wanted to go, gradually i understood I could go anywhere, and experience, learn and develop as i went. I wish everyone has this freedom. I am getting the most out of it while i can as things change constantly. I've now got a van with the most comfortable bed that folds easily so i can store my wheelchair in as well, and my wife, and be free. I'm living the best life i can think of and appreciate the circumstances that got me here. My head and mind pushes me further and with the current tools (mostly wheel related) i can do what i want again. My pain is still obscene today, my nausea still not letting me eat much, but im free. #project117 #camping #vanlife #free #freedom

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Ðïvě" I think I was about 13 when i first started to scuba dive. A shop had opened up nearby and for the birthdays in a row I upped my skills through different courses. I was very young and the gear is heavy which I managed easily enough getting into the water but at the end of a dive i would often be to exhausted to carry it all back to the car, even myself on the odd occasion. Diving is the most relaxing for my body as I find once below about 5-7 metres the pressure is equal all over and its like getting the perfect massage. At depth is the only time i ever get close to feeling no pain, just floating in a strange world and feeling blissful. So i now had another hobby to add to my extensive activity list and did it as often as I could. Dad took me up to cairns around this time too and we did a dive on the barrier reef, which i've been lucky enough to return to many times over the years. I don't know how i fit it in as i was so busy with scouts and temple and swimming though i stopped competition swimming soon after as i wasn't getting faster and was finding other things more fun for do. And starting to learn how fun was a strong motivator for me. And many others too. #project117 #diving #skills #swim #scuba

Resilience diary- pain today: 7/10. Photo: "Řöâḏțřǐp" I think one can find Australia quite difficult if travelling long distances and time by car is not your thing. Maybe growing up knowing nothing else helps and I was sure in that boat. For scouts we would rely on our leaders or parents to carry us all around to the various activities, except for an annual event for hundreds of us called scouthike. There we would travel by bus and it was chaos and marvellous. Teamed up into groups of 4-6 we would be left alone in a forest with a map, compass, gear for 3 days and a piece of paper with the critical details of the weekend. Coordinates on the paper would tell us where activity bases had been set up by leaders and some sleeping points for us all to camp together and chat about the days fun. The activity bases would involve a variety of things which we would score points from. At the end of the weekend the group with the most points won. It was a lot of fun and challenging. Today though, have slept well in the van for its first night, i'm happy despite some really cruel pain, so have strapped up, got the chair ready and going to explore!! #project117 #roadtrip #journey #carsick #cartrips