Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Ůpķëēp"
The family home in St Ives gradually went through a number of changes over its life under the care of my parents. Starting as a 3 bed bungalow type thing it transformed into the family house that worked for us. The kitchen was moved to the back where a formal lounge was turned into an open dining room to the kitchen that opened up onto the deck that replaced the greenhouse. The deck had stairs to the backyard and side of the house where the pool was put in. The backyard was totally transformed with the pool work. I loved that house and enjoyed being part of the changes as well all grew. I learnt how to use a variety of tools and some basic build skills which have been immensely useful throughout life. Being able to repair and build and make things is so rewarding and satisfying and enjoyable and worth doing. These days i take photos more than lift a hammer but i still do a little when i can and it feels so good.
#project117
#maintenance
#upkeep
#repairs
#care
Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Őűťíńğ"
My fondest childhood memory (to categorise it that way) would be at the end of childhood and the start of those dreadful teenage years where i turned a bit feral. It was a day out with mum, starting off with a surf at the beach before movies and a memorable steak at an Italian restaurant in the city before wandering the esplanade at circular quay overlooking the harbour bridge and opera house chatting about everything. The talking was the best part, just absorbing knowledge from the most trusted source, mum. It feels like it was the next day when my hormones decided it was time to grow up and i entered the teenage years which were rather spicy and this day out with mum would stay with me as a highlight for many years, still does actually. It was just a solid good day out.
#project117
#dayout
#mum
#youth
#childhood
Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Ħôŋêý Şöý"
Dinner time growing up was mostly if not all meals were home cooked, the only exception I can think of was Friday night fish and chips which was mostly during winter and the rugby season i think. Looking back i don't know how mum managed it but there was food to cook every night and so we all had roles to ensure dinner was served in an orderly fashioned. I don't think it ever went smoothly as my brother and i I'm sure was always arguing over which job to do. Before dinner was setting the table, making a salad (i had to do this once every night until the cucumbers were cut thinly, i liked my fingers uncut... it took a while) and any other food prep mum needed. Then we left to let mum cook (dad was usually away for work or would let mum cook anyways as he just burns stuff). After dinner was a mix of clearing the table which meant taking all dinner related items to the kitchen and putting most things back. Packing the dishwasher was separate and the least enjoyable job that thankfully dad usually did was the dishes in the sink. This ritual was probably 4-5 nights a week depending on scouts and such things. It was a place of comfort which was a great way to grow up. The outside world was hard, home was happy. Well until i was a teenager but that's on me i guess 😂
#project117
#dinner
#cooking
#cleaning
#team
Resilience diary- pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Şëâṟčħ"
Looking back i think it was around this age of 12-13 where I was starting to come to grips with what is is to be an "I". My memories before that age are unquestionable moments at times of pure absorption. I reacted to both my internal signals and the environments i was in along with any guidance available to me both in the moment and from whatever neurological systems are kicking off from past experience. As my world grew and my education moved from questions of how to who, I was overwhelmed at the choice and my brain struggled to handle it. Starting my bar Mitzvah education at this time gave me a place where i could at least ask questions which led me on to post bar mitzvah classes as i tried to grapple One religions perspective before settling on my own (which 30 years later have nearly settled but are still open for changes should they need be applied). I started to enjoy this new way of being, with thoughts that can lead you on forever, hypotheticals and day dreaming meaning. During this time i came across nihilism but didn't give it much notice then though it would quickly form a foundation in the background. I just took descartes motion of trying to start from scratch and build understanding from there (meditations books) and couldn't move from a start off which there is nothing... a concept indescribable despite having a name.
#project117
#search
#philosophy
#growingup
#nihilism
Resilience diary- pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Ħőmôğẽņŷ"
I felt a strong paradox in certain parts of my life as i reached my teenage years. I seemed to be guided by the laws and culture i lived in that we all are the same and so should be treated the same thus the same rules for all. Yet my experience was telling me that i was different and it didn't take long for someone to notice, call it out and often, use it to (at that age) mostly bully me. I learned quickly to embrace the difference as it felt like i had a secret no one else knew... new people i would meet, mostly kids my own age, would call me weird within a few minutes. I quickly took this on as almost a goal whenever i met someone as i was just having fun and people thought that was weird which made it more fun and so it went. Learning how to disarm this sure of negativity as soon as it pops up was a social life saver for me as it didn't matter how much i tried, i would always walk different and when my pain got too much the symptoms are visible. But i grew to own weird, then as i grew older i realised there is no unweird, non-weird etc, there is just is trying to figure out who we are and what we're supposed to do. Chaos ensues and its incredible to participate.
#project117
#different
#weird
#embrace
#fun
