Resilience diary- pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Řůłẽ Břēáķíṉġ"
Some environments, especially creative ones, are made for rule breaking, for playing with what's there and seeing what one can come up with. I love that environment as I feel as though i spend much of my time trying to break the laws of physics and failing 😆 my first woodwork class at the specialist creative school of Glenaeon we were twelve years old and handed a rasp and a block of wood about 7cm square and 20 long. The goal was to use the rasp to learn how wood feels like when carving/shaping as you tried to create an egg shape in the end. Eventually using a file and sandpaper and oil to finish the piece over the school term. I noticed however that the rasp and file tools had a curved side as well as a flat. So as i played i ended up with what I called the apple core. It eventually was lost but i have made a poor replica that has none of the care and love i put into that first piece. I loved it. I loved woodwork and how you can make so much with it. It became my favourite material and had i not been so disabled would be a highly skilled joiner/cabinet maker/carpenter or the like right now. But life would of been different until then and maybe the love of woodworking i have would not of come to be, so best just make the best of what I've got, and I've got a comfortable couch to go pass out on. My creative needs are growing though, which i'm edited about.
#project117
#learning
#growth
#rules
#learningthroughplay
Resilience diary- pain today: Six/10. Photo: "Bōøžę"
I don't remember my first alcoholic drink however can be pretty confident it was some variation of wine, likely kosher wine on a Friday night for Shabbat or port wine which was also used. I first got into trouble stealing the wine from the fridge at home when i was around 12-13yrs old, i was just drinking it straight, not taking it anywhere, just a sip every half hour or so.
Intoxication felt incredible. Whatever pain i had was overwhelmed by a joyous feeling, to be honest i still don't know what the feeling is as the pain is still there as with all drugs, but ignoring that as i was trying better at every day, meant i feel in love with booze and it me. I started slowly, enjoying that little buzz that makes everything just feel tolerable before topping up and getting a stronger buzz that becomes the mission, to feel so good I want to continue suffering at all other times. This naturally grew into a problem that is always bordering on dismantling my entire life. Alcohol was my first escape that i could administer, that i could control. So I'd gradually learn how to increase a dosage with little notice in my behaviour, especially if you don't know me. Learning how to mask my pain had an intended side effect of being able to mask some forms of inebriation to a degree. Years later I'd take a year off and will do so again one day. I can't commit right now as still learning how to go without oxy. I'm better but slower in some regards. Faster in others. Everything is connected.
#project117
#addiction
#alcoholism
#relief
#escape
My arthritis and a variety of other reasons tells me I can't do this, primarily that I am not a cat.
#project117
#cat
#jump
#cats_of_instagram
#couchpotato
Resilience diary- pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Ůpķëēp"
The family home in St Ives gradually went through a number of changes over its life under the care of my parents. Starting as a 3 bed bungalow type thing it transformed into the family house that worked for us. The kitchen was moved to the back where a formal lounge was turned into an open dining room to the kitchen that opened up onto the deck that replaced the greenhouse. The deck had stairs to the backyard and side of the house where the pool was put in. The backyard was totally transformed with the pool work. I loved that house and enjoyed being part of the changes as well all grew. I learnt how to use a variety of tools and some basic build skills which have been immensely useful throughout life. Being able to repair and build and make things is so rewarding and satisfying and enjoyable and worth doing. These days i take photos more than lift a hammer but i still do a little when i can and it feels so good.
#project117
#maintenance
#upkeep
#repairs
#care
