Resilience diary - pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Šávěḏ"
Overwhelmed is probably the best word to describe my fifteenth year. As the mind grapples with physical changes at the same time as trying to figure out what to do in life, the options are too many and it takes a bit to sort out and find what's right for you. For me it was scouts, i started to pour myself into every corner of it, becoming a leader of the unit myself allowing me to get into the relatively simple organisation structure and the decision makers behind policies and awards and things. I was finding that there were options that weren't physical which i struggled with and weren't academic which i found difficult to study as school and i disagreed on subjects i hoped for, these options were based around fun and people, connecting and talking to people and negotiating or mediating the topics that came up. This is where my most treasured skill was born, learning how to communicate, it's something i still work on as there is always a different way to share information and the more ways gives more options and understanding that makes daily life easier to navigate. We're a copy adjust paste bunch of beings and communicating is one of the advantages we have in doing this simple process, we advance together.
#project117
#teenager
#choices
#overwhelmed
#options
Resilience diary - pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Šǒłíṯűḏě"
I asked my best mate who's currently visiting me what age we were when we met, he has a better memory for that sort of stuff that me and i was wrong when remembering it the other day and am a year ahead of myself there. I started work the following year at sixteen, not fifteen where my story currently lies. I think i found fifteen to be the most difficult year mentally in the first half of my life. It was the first time i felt depression and actually stopped walking over a bridge between home and the train station for fear of what i might do to myself. I think it's hard as a teenager where everyone older than you knows better and you want to know as well but don't have the experience to have the knowledge but try anyway. Figuring out that life is a once only option and it's short and complicated and difficult and seemingly based on luck no matter how hard you try. I hated school and had no friends and had a disability i was ignoring but knew it would and really was controlling my life and i hated that. I wanted to be free to choose what i wanted and my body didn't work like that. It took me a long time to accept it Abn's I'm still not there yet but I'm trying to listen.
#project117
#solitude
#lonely
#choices
#teenager
Resilience diary - pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Ğúêśṯbǒóķ"
Part 5: The last day of this monstrous hike finished the loop by passing the hut we stayed in the first night before heading back down the incredibly steep hill to the car where we met our leaders who were driving us home. Each of the huts or most of them anyways have a guestbook to sign if one wishes to and is usually a good idea in case one gets lost. We had been signing the books with a rude name as we were young and stupid and we got caught out. There were other groups hiking the trails as well and one we met was doing a middle loop that happened to cross our leaders path where they were informed of mischief and subsequently caught us off guard when grilled about this when we met up again. I found it quite surprising that even in the middle of the Aussie bush coincidence and chance have plenty of opportunity to happen and that was a huge lesson for me. I accepted the mistake as i was co leading this trip and had to take responsibility. As i did i understood that anything can happen and to be aware of it, enjoy when it works in your favour and keep trying when it doesn't. Give life a chance basically, and so i started to.
#project117
#guestbook
#hikingstories
#teen
#stories
Resilience diary - pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Ħàļf Ďãý"
(Part4) our shortcut gave us a huge time save we think as we made it to our planned next campsite before lunch and so after a break decided to continue on to the next stop which was Mount Jagungle though i don't think that's how it's spelt that's my best attempt. We had planned to walk up it that afternoon but as we set up our tent the rain came and we had the most fun afternoon playing card games in the tent and talking rubbish. It was a nice break and the decision to not go up was also in part as i would have to walk back down which was risky as we'd already worked out and so a half day rest was perfect. We had one and a bit days walk left and so didn't want to screw it up then. That day was one of the best days hiking I've ever done and possibly got the details a bit mixed up as was nearly thirty years ago but the essence is still within me. Fifteen years old and leading a group through the harsh and unforgiving Aussie bush with a heavy disability that i was doing my best to ignore and succeeding. The sunsets were epic and the morning sun refreshing and full of hope. My pack was lighter too by now as we'd eaten most of the food. I slept happy that night, the final day beckoned and i didn't want to leave
#project117
#halfday
#mountains
#hikingstories
#day4
Resilience diary - pain today: 6/10. Photo: "Šħǒřṯćúṯ"
(Cont'd) The third morning i woke fresh as could be. The agony in my knees the night before was completely gone and i felt good. It was a miracle and i was happy. Looking at the map with my group we decided to try what looked like a shortcut knocking off a couple of km's. The math checked out but the terrain was a surprise. Following the trail for a bit there was a hill towards our right that the path looped around the back and does a sort of u turn in the other side before continuing on. We thought we could cut the loop. The hill looked like it was just covered in grass. We committed to it and what started off as grass quickly turned into 3 metre high dense scrub bushes that were so thick we lost sight of each other but could still talk to each other. Making it to the top was a mission as we clambered through branches heading up hill. What took a lot of effort eventually was rewarded with some open space and our desired path void of obstacles like we just passed. We did it, it was quite the achievement that needed half an hour rest to recover from the effort. The rest of the day was beautiful, we followed a ridge line to a valley and passed another old hut that was more a small house, the views were amazing, above the snow line there was little in the way of trees and it was like hiking in an alien landscape for me, nothing like I'd ever seen before. It was captivating.
#project117
#shortcut
#part4
#hikingstories
#life
