Resilience diary - pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Ðäŋċě"
Our year eleven school camp was a week away at the snow. Well with it taking a day there and one back the actually skiing part was three days but that's better than none and better than schoolwork.
The snowy mountains, the name given to the occasionally snowy bit of rolling hills are about six hours drive south of Sydney passing by the nations capital to the narrow range of hills capable of such entertainment. At the time i was still between skiing and snowboarding but found skiing better for my legs as just had to hold a squat and avoid turning. It would be a few years before i came across my mini sized skis that i still use today.
The camp came and past, with some memories of rewiring an alarm clock and my first memorable photo but otherwise a blur of action like most others of this age. I was dancing through time now.
#project117
#ski
#schoolcamp
#dance
#spin
Resilience diary - pain today: 5/10. Photo: "Ťǒpş"
After six or seven years in scouts i was pretty self sufficient when it came to organising things. The training was brilliant as it was hidden under the cloak of immense fun. I was no good at paperwork there though either and never bothered with the quite prestigious queen scout award. I occasionally got things signed off as i needed them to do certain activities to show a certain skillset.
I had learnt a bunch of survival skills and was trying to apply them to everyday life. Work, friends, family. There seemed to be a connection and it was communication. I was improving mine and benefitting from it. The more people i talked to the more i understood how to live my life, choosing the good bits and learning to navigate the bad. Being inexperienced is so scary.
#project117
#tops
#hiking
#scouts
#views
Resilience Diary - Pain Today: 5/10. Photo: "Fřèé–Ŵíłḻ/Fățę"
I've kinda always had a choice to either pretend to not have a severe disability though clearly i was it didn't stop me trying. My fist ten years is full of memories that returned to me this past five years. I'm older now and slowly am accepting my disability as severe though i achieved a lot crying through pain in silence whilst pretending I'm not. I still do, my new wheelchair is giving me new opportunities and if u get my fitness up i have plenty more life to explore. It's challenging and i seem to always go the hard way and i fail a lot, but i'ved lived by walking through open doors and the more doors to choose from the wider the options and then you feel free, free from the chains of your body, with choice comes a feeling i chase, one of independence. I need more help these days and getting better at asking as there are ways to do both. Mainly i need to find a way to exercise that doesn't result in debilitating pain, I'm going back to swimming... it's how i started, before i could walk i was swimming, so we try again.
#project117
#will
#fate
#choices
#disability
Resilience diary - pain today: 4/10. Photo: "bŁůṟ"
My memories from seventeen to twenty one are blurred and the chronological order mixed. I was having the best time of my life, loving how i wanted to, stubbornly and fairly standard teenage rebellious behaviour within fairly safe boundaries. There were groups of other young men my age who were getting involved in gangs and a bit of petty crime and violence which i had no interest in and instead avoided or when necessary talked my way through things.
Anyways this photo reminded me of my failed attempt at riding a scooter for the first time. I thought as i was good on a bicycle i'd be fine on this but sadly for my friend who was the manager of the Pizza Hut that owned the scooter which i managed to scuttle in the carpark within 10 seconds of being on the thing... I never tried a scooter again.
#project117
#blur
#growingup
#lovinglife
#storytelling
Resilience diary - pain today: 4/10. Photo: "Fäḏè"
My first heavy drinking experience like most ended with the question of why anyone drinks at all. Seventeen and working At the supermarket my mate and i got some vodka and lemonade and after work went across to the park and fields opposite the shops and proceeded to learn by doing. I don't think i touched vodka for a year or so afterwards such were the horrible memories of my first hangover the day after. I was living at my mates place at the time and we would become drinking buddies soon after, both enjoying the break from reality that inebriation brings. It was simple, easy and effective though my tolerance at that time was rather poor and often ended with me returning whatever beverage i'd been having to the world in the form of finding a bush or toilet to throw up in. I wasn't wanting to try any illegal drugs though they were available had i been willing to ask. Gradually weekends would involve drinking in parks near friends houses while they got stoned or drunk as well. My two closest mates lived within a few km of each other and made it easy to catch up regularly. My smoking started increasing at the time as well, both seemed to go hand in hand and when we managed to sneak into a pub it seemed to be the thing to do, beer in one hand ciggy in the other. Understanding its health impact Was known but ignored as the effects drowned out the noise of such knowledge. Chasing the feeling of physical brilliance was transformed by booze and smokes. I've managed my whole life to avoid most drugs And eventually got rid of the smokes, the drink has always been a challenge for me and for my late teens and twenties I became a functioning alcoholic, enjoying the lack of responsibility to my body that i hated and was hurting more and more the older i got. My knees were struggling with my active lifestyle and the booze compensated well for that. One day I'll stop completely but its hard breaking a habit formed from complicated beginnings.
#project117
#fade
#experiment
#teen
#party
